Los Angeles Litany (repurposed prayer)


May the lanes open oh lord of the traffic lights.

May the pick up truck not spill detritus that then punches holes in the seemingly
  impenetrable tires.

May the operator of the vehicle get to the doctor’s office early but not by more than
    10 minutes because that will mess up the parking.

May the driver find parking.

May the driver find parking that doesn’t cost 20 dollars.

May the driver find parking within ½ mile of where she has to go.

May the act of parking occur without injury to self, car, or the tiny dog that just ran
    out into the street while the girl in stiletto heels screamed indistinctly.

May the car keys exit with the driver.

May the driver remember her insurance card, which the office does not accept but
    still you always have to show it when you come because.

May the doctor’s office remember how mean they were the last time and learn from
    their recent moral failures.

May the check up end on time so as not to mess up the delicately timed parking

May the return proceed without buses—either public, or tour—fire trucks,
    ambulances or rented Ferraris driven by overeager straight white men of a
    certain age.

May the front door stairs rise to greet the driver but not too fast lest she trip and fall
  across the threshold.

May the winds not blow over the palm trees onto the house.

May there be rain, but please no flooding.